How do you deal with a nail driven through your heart...

[ShinobiWan1]

5 years.


5 long years. Good times and bad times. We grew together, knew everything about each other. Except for this one thing that was just landed on me earlier this morning. She's seeing another guy now.

So I guess that explains the,"I'm busy with school" that I've been hearing for the past few weeks. That's right, just a few weeks back, we were still together. I figured she really WAS busy with school and work, she's got a lot on her schedule. I just finished her Valentines gift yesterday, that's how naive I was.

I did call her all upset a few days back, about how I haven't seen her for awhile. I asked her if I did anything wrong, and if she was avoiding me (to which she answered No). But I didn't expect this. Maybe if we were only together for 6 months, I would've suspected something. But not after 5 years. Five years.

I called her this morning, just to hear her voice (that's how it was, sadly) when she popped the news on me. Saying,"They didn't expect it to happen, it just did" I couldn't believe it, I couldn't even breathe. My heart started pounding, probably an allergic reaction to the metal of that 50pound stake driven through my chest.

She 'stopped' by for fifteen minutes to "TALK" about it. They were on their way somewhere and just COULDN'T be LATE. I guess I deserved that much after 5 years. Everything is so surreal right now, I don't even know what to do next.

I'm rambling now. I'm sorry. I just had to tell somebody, figured you guys were good friends to dump this on.

[HawkClay]

OMG I'm sorry man! That REALLY sucks! Really, there isn't a whole lot you can do about the past except learn from it. Here's what I suggest. Don't get hung up over it! If you do, just realize that even if it is 5 years, it's still better now that in the future! Get on with living, and ENJOY THE SINGLE LIFE! Really, you are FREE now! You can do whatever you want without worry, so don't let anything stop you! Go out, find another girl, and you don't have to do anything other than just have fun... AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!!! Think of it as a blessing, because if you would have found out about it later, then it would have only been worse. Sure, I know you wish you would have known sooner, but you didn't. Yeah, I know you probably feel like she owes you SOMETHING for what she's done to you... but she won't give you anything. The absolute best thing you can do is get over with it now and don't let it get to you! If you let it get to you, then it's only going to give her the upper hand... but if you move on now, then it's the best way to drive the stake right back at her!

[DarthArcturus]

i'm sorry shinobi..thats rough man. I know you will come out of this better than before. Hawk is right your free and now you can have some great fun.

[jp]

I'm very sorry to hear that bro. Damn, 5 years is indeed a long time, and that is a quite shitty thing for her to do to you.

But what Hawk said is true. Just keep ya head up man, things'll pick up.

[Bruhaha69]

Ahh, jeez man, I'm sorry to hear that.

Hawk's right though. Better to know it now than to have that go on any longer. There's not much you can do about the pain but wait. Things will get better and you'll move on. Sounds like crappy advice, but you gotta just keep on pluggin away and things will work out.

[Conjoshus]

I can relate to that, almost exactly. I can explain my past situation and the wrong ways to handle it if that may help at all... if not, skip to the last two paragraphs.

I was with my ex girlfriend for four years (not quite five, but close enough). I never stood between her and having male friends or anything like that. I figured, friends are friends. She became friends with one of my friends and started hanging out whenever I'd go out of town. I decided I'd try to surprise her with a trip to Alaska (we both really wanted to go for a while) and I'd propose to her there. I had saved up $4500 for the trip and her ring (to that point). I was going to wait for an anniversary to spring the trip on her (which was about a month away at that point). But...

I came back one day and saw him sleeping on my couch. They explained he was under the influence and stayed the night on the couch while she stayed in the bed.

Then, she got more and more distant. I just told her we didn't have to pretend we were together if we really weren't anymore. She dropped me after that (a week before my birthday).

We worked at the same place so we saw each other every day even though she was now staying in her new boyfriends' drug dealer's basement (big trade up I guess). After I found out it was Brian, me and some of my friends decided it was time to do the drinking thing.

My friend Carl made a dummy of Brian and I did a "boxing" match against it. I punched the hell out of it until all the skin ripped off my knuckles. That's #1 and #2 of what not to do.

I "confronted" Brian the next day. Brian stopped coming to work and got fired as a result and Crystal quit a couple weeks later (even though I completely avoided her).

Later I did songs (I'm a musician) about both Brian and Crystal (infact, you can hear the Crystal Ball and Shady Shit songs on my site right now). They were my release at the time to keep me sane.

But you know what I really figured out after all that time? If she was willing to cheat on me after four years, then what would she have done after 20? What about after we had a house, a family, and all this other stuff? Would she have divorced me to get half of everything and use that to the benefit of another guy? Fact is, she had no honor, she wasn't who I thought she was. She should have broken up before cheating (just like yours should have). If they would do that, they would do it eventually. Better after 5 years than 20.

Later I met a new girl, I was friends with her for over a year prior and we started dating. She's now my wife. She is everything Crystal wasn't. Point is, I never would have really met her if Crystal didn't drop me after year 4. You got someone else out there too... It's def. better to wait for someone worthwhile than to turn a blind eye to a cheat. Good luck with that bro.

[jp]

:SM34


Josh speaks the truth. She has already proven to you that she isn't worth your time and would've only been trouble. Look on the bright side of things. Tomorrow will be a new day and one day you will find a new girl that will treat you with the respect and give you the love that you deserve.

I mean, I know it sucks now, and there's no way you can really "bounce back" per se, rather, at least not this quickly. But just keep in mind that, if she did something like this to you, then you can definitely do better my friend. And if she's capable of some bullshit like this, just be thankful she pulled it now as opposed to later.

[Luminous]

I really feel for you Shinobi....BTW how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?


I also had my heart torn out, but eventually it turned out to be for the best. I was engaged and it ended up not working out.....real long story, but I was a mess for a little while. I started dating someone else not too long after. I thought it was too soon, but four and a half years later I am married to that woman.


Things will get better....eventually.


Head up bro!!!!!!

[SPYvsSPY]

WOAW!

:~

[shinjirod]

my advice is do what josh did. write. i used to write some lyrics for my band when some shit like that happened to me. its incredible. but it helps so much to keep your head straight.

and cheer up man. as bad as it hurts, at least you found out the kind of person she was before it even got more serious. youre worth more than her, much more. keep your chin up mate. and if theres anything we can do, a call or chat or something, just tell us, k?

[DarthArcturus]

damn Josh and she is the only person in the world other than you and jp that has the Dank Bear :SM20

[SuperYen]

I overheard one of my friend say one time, "It is not a hand full of girls, it is a land full of girls."

[ShinobiWan1]

I just had a sit down with her for 5 hours. We talked and talked and talked.

She was sporting a ring too, but to be honest, it's okay. When it comes down to it, I love her through and through. She's been apart of my life for the past 5 years and I can't say that I've been good to her all that time. We went through some rocky times, both on her side and my side. And I'm just glad she was happy.

During the times I gave her grief in our relationship, she found some friends to help her through. And I guess one of those friend's is the 'one'.

We talked about the good times, and the bad, we cried, laughed, hugged. Then I got serious.

As I stated before, I was 'with' her two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS AGO. We did things that we normally shouldn't do (We've been like that for awhile) and then she disappeared on me. And the guy she has a ring for is leaving for 2 years, and doesn't know about our night-time activities.

I confronted her about it, and she began to cry. I told her that I felt they were rushing things (2 WEEKS!?) because he would be gone for 2 years. I said she needs to be responsible and think things through. I told her how tough it would be on him to be gone for 2 years (it's a religious thing, you don't take breaks lol) because she would always be on his mind. And he needs to focus on his duties. (all the way in Hawaii lol!)

Then I took her home and said goodbye. I drove away feeling...actually Good! I thought about what Hawk said, better to find out now than later, I thought about all of your support, and I feel a whole lot BETTER! I guess I just wanted to let it all out, with some diginity y'know?

I still miss her. But I just feel better about everything. Thank you everyone! During the pain, reading your comments helped me get through. Jeez, I really felt like dying. It's odd how differently I feel compared to then. I'm 27, though I sound like a teenager. >,<

[Bruhaha69]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about everything. It sounds like you got some closure, which a great thing, especially in these situations. No more feeling like dying, though. I find that even when life is most miserable, the alternative doesn't make sense.

[Hunter]

I understand a lot of what your saying, since i know you from the SRF and because of similarities religion-wise. Sounds like you put your eggs all in one basket, so thats why it hurt so much, but I think josh said it best. If she was willing to do that, she's not the kind of person you should want to be with. Glad to see you're feeling better though. Let me know if you need anything, like I could make you a mod for a week or something. ;)

[Cystic]

:disgust: All I can say is never turn your back!! We all have had our time of being players!!! The thing is that everything described were all signs of what we pulled while playing the field!!
Look at it on the bright side, you are now officially free to fuck the world and answer to nobody!!!! [smilie=0368.gif] But just remember to watch for those signs!!! :rant:

[Conjoshus]

like I could make you a mod for a week or something. ;)

Hunter and his random modding...

[Hunter]

Would you like to be a mod for a week?

[Outlawd19]

Would you like to be a mod for a week?

I would!! j/k


i havent been around much for the past few days so this is the first im hearing of this. being in a relationship and having it go south like that really sucks. i have had it happen twice. the one thing that i can say is that it makes you stronger. you will find someone new and that someone will be better than her, maybe she wont be the one and you will be able to realize it sooner. life and relationships are full of lessons, you can either learn from them or you can burn from them. i wish the best for you my friend

[SuperYen]

life and relationships are full of lessons, you can either learn from them or you can burn from them.

I am going to write this down in my book of top secretness. <3

[Outlawd19]

[/quote]

I am going to write this down in my book of top secretness. <3[/quote]


i should patent that phrase before you do so. lol

[jp]

:sneaking:


At any rate, glad things are looking up for you ShinobiWan. Or rather, glad you're feeling better about it. A lot of people have a nasty tendency to let stuff like this devour them, glad to see you're going in the right direction. :)

[Outlawd19]

you are deff doing better than most people would be doing. i admire you for that.